Me and a bag o peas
I want to do my due diligence to warn everyone ahead of time before you read today’s blog post. A very sensitive topic will be discussed and some of you will find the topic and the leisure nature in the way I talk about it offensive. I volunteered to have a vasectomy performed yesterday and I’d like to talk about it. Yeah, that’s right. I’m gonna talk openly and freely about my experience. You may learn a little more about me today then you have in the past 3-4 months of reading so advance with caution. If you have children reading this blog, either read it over first or just walk away now.
Last chance…you can still stop reading. Just click away and come back later this week for the next update.
First of all…Lynn Klett, please note that this was the worst experience of my life and if Philip needs 6-7 days in bed to recover, just let him. He’s gonna need it. Actually tell him to quit acting like a little girl and get in there and get it done. So let’s get to the story…
I just finished the 5 am feeding. As I type away I have my new best friend with me; my bag of frozen peas. This bag was introduced to my “undercarriage” promptly after my procedure yesterday and we’ve spent quite a bit of time together since then.
So I went in for my little procedure (stop with the “little” jokes now) yesterday afternoon. My doctor came in, we exchanged a few pleasantries, and then he told me to lie down. Yikes. Kind of forward I thought, but I guess I didn’t expect him to buy me a drink first either. No one other than my wife has seen me with my pants off going all the way back to a little experience over Homecoming back at UNI. So, I guess you could say I was a bit nervous. So after he fondled me up, he said, “I’m gonna get started; a little bee sting here.” My toes curled. Two of my biggest fears are needles and bees. I hate shots. I get light headed when I need to give a blood sample. It’s just a bad experience. I’m also deathly afraid of bees. As the bee was stinging me, I told my doctor that this was a unique feeling unlike anything else that I’ve ever experienced. He said, “A bee sting?” I replied, “No, a bee sting in the nut sack. I’ve usually got that part of my anatomy pretty well covered up.”
We talked about a ton of topics during “the procedure;” bike riding, movies, my job, the Tille kids, and a variety of other things. He was done about 20-30 minutes later and then he told me to get dressed and go home. That was it? No, “Thanks for the great time, but I gotta go?” I gotta be honest, I felt a bit used. So I got dressed and Angela drove me home. I did manage to sucker her into a trip to Dairy Queen for a treat. After all, I deserved it, right? You’re damn right I deserved it. I just let a complete stranger take a knife and cut up my goodie bag.
So I’m gonna try to milk this a little, but I don’t think it’s gonna work. The one that I’m trying to milk just spent 6 months on her back. I don’t know if I’d feel right about it. So with that said, Meredith is throwing a fit in her high chair wanting something else for breakfast. My bag of peas and I should probably go help.
Until next time…
This was a flashback to 1980 and as a fellow c-section survivor I can tell you Angie is not the one to go to for sympathy. So what can I say, suck it up, rub some dirt on it, and move on. However, I do have to give you credit for your ability to put your unique brand of humor on the whole subject.
Thanks for sharing! I laughed until I almost peed!
Hey Kristi,
Glad you enjoyed. I laughed as I wrote it.
Later,
H
After meeting you several years ago in a workplace, and watching you demonstate into the air how to place/use a catheter many times, it didn’t surprise me at all that you were able to describe with humor and detail, your recent experience with such ease.
I continue to keep up on your site, and am so glad the kids are doing so well, and you and Angela are adjusting to your new role as parents of #6. The kids are beautiful, and I wish I was closer to help with some “grandma duties”.
Take care of each other.
I’m with Kristi on this one . . . I laughed through your whole post! As I was reading it did cross my mind that you might not get much sympathy from your wife after everything she has recently been through, but I’m sure you realize that! I’m glad to hear that the kids are doing well! Happy Recovery!
Been there done that…………..please be advised that 6 of my 8 kids came to us AFTER my “procedure”, so good luck with that….GO BEARS
You have a GREAT sense of humor Heath!!!
I am looking forward in getting to know you and Angela more when I come to volunteer. Brenda mentioned that Alex came home today! That is great! I will see you guys next Fri evening. p.s. I hope your bag of peas are holding up!
Oh Heath!! I can think of a few other instances at UNI to go along with this story!! Glad all went well
Heath, maybe you should start a comedy routine and do stand-up! I’m sure the “Tille Tribe” will have many stories for you to use…at least keep them in a journal for a book someday. I too, laughed through out the entire blog and am still laughing!!!!!!!!!!
That is too funny! Not quite as quick as one of the Urologist in Lubbock, TX used to attest to. Take care and keep in touch.
i sure needed a good chuckle today and i thought you were the shy type…cant wait to see the kids, did some shopping with Gramma when we waited to pick up Dave at the airport, found some stuff for the girls (swimsuits for next year) well keep up with the blog and pictures…
Hey Heath,
Thanks for the laugh….Just a reminder, I think Amy saw your butt a few times during track season…Ha Ha..
Clearly you don’t know me well if you think I’m the shy type!!!
Heath,
I love to read your thoughts……you should really get an agent and write books….you are so funny and I for one, would be buying your books.
I am glad that you realize what pain women go through, and this is just a “little slice of it!”
Keeping you all in my thoughts and prayers.
Judi
Heath………..
I will have to make you a cake like I made for your Dad. Ask him about it!
Judi,
So great to hear from you. Its been so long. Mom said you stopped by. Thank you so much! As for the book idea. Lots of peple have mentioned it. These posts take a lot out of me. The last one just seemend to flow though. I was thinking about it in the waiting room and I even told the doc what I was gonna write as he was working on me.
Thanks so much for reading and your comments. The comments give me confirmation that people are reading it and enjoy it.
Regards,
Heath
I will Deb. I’ll see him this week!
I just wanted to tell you I absolutely love your posts. Your blog makes my pregnancy much more enjoyable! I am one of those people who knows someone that knows you (I work with Angela’s father). So just know there are TONS of people out there reading about your wonderful family and definitely don’t write off the book idea. It may take several years but you should always keep it in the back of your head. I think you have a style that would sell VERY well.
Thanks for all the laughs,
Whitney Hughes
I just read this post to Steve and we laughed our pants off!! Seriously, you could make money with these posts. Very enlighting!! Hey, I have a TON of items for you guys and was wondering if maybe I could come by on Sunday. If there will be too many people around, I understand..just let me know! Can’t wait to see you guys!
I laughed so hard I cried and, as said before, am still laughing. Wonderful to hear about the family and so wonderful they are all doing so well. Keep writing when you can. Blessings to you all.